I’ve been single for a while now, and I have to say it’s going really well. Like, it’s working out. I think I’m the one.
Making out with a girl for the first time is the coolest thing and the second coolest thing is driving home and getting aware of all the parts of your face where she was and tasting her lip balm on your lips. The third coolest thing is outer space.
Every time a guy tells me how unfortunate it is that I’m a lesbian because I’m so hot, I add another line to my epic slam poem entitled “I Don’t Care About Your Boner.” It’s a real thing, and when it gets long enough, I’ll perform it for you guys.
It’s going to be a Homer-esque epic.
Sing, O muse, of the rage of the lesbian, daughter of Sappho, that brought countless ills upon the straight cis dudes.
The worst thing is when they say you “can’t be a lesbian because you’re too hot”, they truly think it’s a compliment.